Warning: This story contains references to mental health struggles and negative thoughts that some readers may find distressing.
When Steve Sharman's daughter Florence arrived in August 2023, he expected to feel joy and excitement. Instead, within days of her birth, he found himself overwhelmed by disturbing intrusive thoughts about harming his newborn daughter. The experience shattered his assumption that postnatal depression was something that happened only to mothers.
Sharman, now 35, describes those early weeks as profoundly difficult. The intrusive thoughts were relentless and distressing, triggered particularly by Florence's crying. He experienced what he characterises as intense anger and a desire to stop the crying, feelings that alarmed him given his typically calm temperament.
"The first two to three weeks were awful - really, really horrible thoughts towards my baby daughter, who'd only been in the world a few weeks. It was the crying that really triggered something inside me that I've never experienced before. A real anger and hatred towards her is something that you wouldn't expect to have - it was just wanting to solve that crying."
The couple, from Talke Pits in Staffordshire, had endured a traumatic birth experience. Florence's arrival involved an 18-hour labour, an emergency caesarean section, and a five-day hospital stay due to concerns about the newborn's heart health. Sharman had never anticipated that postnatal depression could manifest in fathers, nor that it could produce such disturbing thoughts.
"I never thought anything would ever happen to me. I've always been a very calm person, no anger. I never acted on those feelings. The worst I ever did was shout in her face."
How common is postnatal depression in fathers?
Postnatal depression affects far more fathers than public awareness suggests. According to NHS guidance on men's mental health, around one in four fathers experience mild depression in the first year after birth, with 10–12% receiving a formal diagnosis of depression. The condition is widely misunderstood as exclusively affecting mothers, but medical evidence contradicts this assumption entirely.
Annie Belasco, chief executive of the PANDAS Foundation—a charity based near Oswestry, Shropshire, that specialises in perinatal mental health support—emphasises that the gap between prevalence and recognition is primarily educational.
"It's just that there is a lack of education and awareness particularly around the men's piece."The foundation works to address this disparity by providing targeted support to fathers and partners experiencing perinatal mental health difficulties.
What role did professional support play in Sharman's recovery?
Sharman's wife Emily, 34, played a crucial role in encouraging him to seek help. After recognising the symptoms of postnatal depression through NHS resources, she insisted he speak to a doctor.
"I pulled up on the NHS website - postnatal depression and we went through and I said 'yes, yes, yes' to all of these things for him. I said at that point 'you've got to go and speak to someone'."
The turning point came when Sharman connected with the PANDAS Foundation and participated in an online support group for fathers facing similar struggles. He describes the experience as transformative.
"I remember it was an hour and a half, the call, and I burst into tears. That was my first time I realised what I'd been going through was absolutely normal and yes it was amazing to be fair."According to NHS coverage of his experience, Sharman has since become a volunteer with PANDAS, helping other fathers navigate their own mental health challenges following the birth of their children.
The PANDAS Foundation offers comprehensive support services to families affected by perinatal mental health difficulties. According to NHS information about the charity's services, the organisation provides free support groups, WhatsApp support, email support, and a callback service, ensuring that parents and families have multiple pathways to access help.
How has Sharman's experience shaped his advocacy?
Florence recently turned three years old, and Sharman has become determined to raise awareness about paternal postnatal depression. He actively encourages new fathers to seek support without shame if they struggle with their mental health following their child's birth. His willingness to speak openly about his experience has contributed to broader conversations about men's mental health in the perinatal period.
Sharman's story resonates with other fathers who have faced similar challenges. Dan Rowe, who runs the Whitchurch branch of Andy's Man Club in Shropshire—a men's suicide prevention charity—experienced postnatal depression after his son was born ten years ago. Like Sharman, Rowe was unprepared for the possibility that fatherhood could trigger mental health difficulties.
"Going into being a dad I was very excited... at no point did I ever consider he would be ill when he was born. That hit me like a ton of bricks... I didn't know where to turn, I didn't even understand why I was feeling what I was feeling."
Rowe's experience was particularly severe. He describes the depression as
"all-encompassing"and attempted suicide multiple times during the first two years of his son's life.
"I was later diagnosed with postnatal depression as a dad - which I didn't think was a thing."Attending Andy's Man Club and receiving counselling proved instrumental in his recovery and ability to speak openly about his struggles.
Where can fathers find support?
For fathers experiencing mental health difficulties after the birth of a child, multiple avenues of support exist. NHS guidance recommends speaking to a GP, health visitor, or self-referring to NHS Talking Therapies. Specialist organisations like the PANDAS Foundation and Andy's Man Club provide peer support and community-based assistance tailored to men's experiences.
The experiences of Sharman and Rowe demonstrate that postnatal depression in fathers is neither rare nor something to be ashamed of. Both men have moved from isolation and distress to advocacy and support, helping to shift cultural understanding of perinatal mental health as an issue affecting all parents, regardless of gender.
If you or someone you know has been affected by mental health difficulties, support and information is available through your GP, local health visitor, or specialist services such as the PANDAS Foundation and Andy's Man Club.
