Women and Families Speak Out on Feeling Ignored by Police in Critical Cases

Several women and families share experiences of feeling ignored and dismissed by police in cases of disappearance, abuse, and murder, highlighting ongoing challenges in addressing violence against women and girls.

Nicki Durbin’s Search for Her Missing Son

When Nicki Durbin's 19-year-old son Luke disappeared after a night out nearly two decades ago, she did not anticipate having to conduct her own investigations due to feeling unheard by police.

The Ipswich mother recalls some officers dismissing her concerns as she sought answers years after Luke’s disappearance.

She is among several women and families who have expressed similar frustrations. The family of Courtney Mitchell stated their safety concerns were overlooked by Suffolk Police before she was murdered by her ex-partner in Ipswich in 2024.

Earlier this month, Emily Doherty shared that officers made her feel like a "silly little girl" when serial killer Steve Wright attempted to abduct her in Felixstowe in 1999.

These individuals and families have now come forward to share their experiences.

Nicki, aged 56, has been searching for Luke, who went missing in Ipswich in 2006 at age 19.

She describes the police response as "amazing" during the initial weeks but says it deteriorated over time.

Months after Luke vanished, officers unexpectedly visited her home. Fearing the worst, she was instead informed that someone had reported seeing Luke enter a car in Woodbridge days after his disappearance and that he had "wasted police time" despite still being missing.

"I was sitting on the settee crying," she recalls. "It is the way he stood over me like I was some naughty person. There was just no compassion in that."

Although Nicki’s relationship with the police has improved, she found it frustrating when a detective suggested her own investigative efforts had "driven" the inquiry.

She believes crucial information was lost because her concerns were not taken seriously, attributing this partly to her status as a single mother.

"I don't think I was heard until I'd put a situation to them that wasn't comfortable and that's really awful because what I should have been doing was grieving my son. But all I could do was fight."

A still image of Nicki Durbin who has shoulder length curly brown hair. She is wearing a black and white striped top. — Nicki Durbin, pictured about a decade ago, said she would never give up hope of finding her son

Suffolk Police A composite of four images of Luke Durbin, a young white man with dark hair. In two of the photos he is wearing a dark baseball cap. In another he is lying down on a Snoopy pillow with a guitar across his chest. — Luke Durbin was 19 when he went missing in May 2006

Emily Doherty’s Encounter with Steve Wright

In September 1999, Emily Doherty escaped from Steve Wright after a couple allowed her into their home to call the police.

The following night, Wright kidnapped and murdered 17-year-old Victoria Hall.

At Wright’s sentencing earlier this month, Emily’s victim impact statement revealed that police initially questioned her about her alcohol consumption upon arrival.

"To this day I am furious," she stated. "I wasn't taken seriously. I was made to feel like a silly little girl."

Her official statement was not recorded until 2021, two years after the investigation into Victoria’s kidnapping and murder was reopened.

Detective Superintendent Phill Gray of Suffolk Police previously apologized for "the way in which Emily feels police treated her that night," but maintained that officers "understood the enormity" of her account.

Suffolk Police A grainy image of Victoria Hall smiling at the camera, with her blonde hair swept down to one side. She is wearing bright lipstick and an earring. — Victoria Hall had been studying for A-levels before she was murdered

Carla Oakshott’s Unheeded Warning

Carla Oakshott, 49, from Ipswich, believes she had important information from the same night as Emily’s incident on 18 September 1999 that could have assisted police.

At 22, as a young single mother living on High Road in Felixstowe, she became alarmed when a man in a van outside her home was overheard saying he was searching for a girl or woman and that if he did not find her, he would "find another one."

Two days later, after learning of Victoria’s disappearance, Carla contacted the police to provide details she had noted, including part of the vehicle’s number plate.

She says the police showed no interest and failed to follow up. Subsequent attempts to provide information were met with similar disregard.

Instead, officers questioned whether the man was the father of her child.

"They were more concerned about why I was a single mum than anything else, they just dismissed me," she recalls. "At one point they actually laughed at me and said, 'Oh you're just trying to get involved; it's nothing to do with you, so stop contacting us please'."

When police reopened Victoria’s case in 2019, Carla was asked to provide an official statement. She now believes the man in the van was Wright.

"It bothered me for a lot of years because I didn't know Vicky, I didn't know her family, but that poor family were going through absolute hell and I was just trying to get somebody to listen to me and take the partial number plate."

Carla Oakshott A selfie-style image of Carla Oakshott who is smiling at the camera. She has long dark hair that is curled tightly. — Carla Oakshott was 22 when she believes she heard Steve Wright outside her Felixstowe property

Courtney Mitchell’s Family Speak Out

Courtney Mitchell, a 26-year-old mother of three, and her family had reported concerns about her abusive ex-partner to police before he murdered her nearly two years ago.

Her sister, Charleigh Mitchell, 30, said Courtney was failed by the police and would still be alive if authorities had listened.

"There were several calls I'd made where I was hung up on and they weren't listening," she said. "They weren't taking the gravity of what actually happened to her properly and the severity of the attacks that had been made on her physically. They said they were putting it through as urgent, but it never got put through as anything."

Senior officers acknowledged missed opportunities to protect Courtney. The Independent Office for Police Conduct reported that Essex Police failed to attend Courtney’s former home in Colchester after a domestic assault report when her ex-partner was believed to be present.

"I felt like I had to protect her all on my own with our family," Charleigh added. "We weren't able to protect her in the way a police force should be able to protect her. It makes you feel like you've failed a job in protecting someone you love, because a force that is meant to protect them has failed and neglected their role."

Suffolk Police A smiling Courtney Mitchell looks directly at the camera with her head tilted to her left. She is a young woman with long, slightly curly dark brown/ginger hair and is wearing a white scarf. — Courtney Mitchell was mother to two sons and one daughter, and her killer was not their father, although he was her former partner

George King/BBC Charleigh and Samantha Mitchell sitting next to each other in two garden chairs in the garden. They are both wearing blue T-shirts with Courtney Mitchell's face on them. They are both looking into the camera. — Courtney's sister Charleigh and her mother Samantha say she was failed by the police

Concerns Over Police Handling of Violence Against Women

Data published by the charity Refuge in 2024 indicates that a quarter of women reported decreased trust in police to handle violence against women and girls over the past year.

The 2021 kidnap and murder of Sarah Everard by a serving police officer in London also sparked national outrage and demands for more effective action.

Janaya Walker, interim director of charity Ending Violence Against Women, stated that police and the justice system "routinely disbelieve and minimise victims and survivors' experiences, including focusing on a women's perceived 'credibility' rather than investigating a suspect's actions."

"Investigations into misconduct are important and necessary, but the reality remains that many women and girls are let down by a system that can harm them, and often fails to hold perpetrators to account," she added.

Ending Violence Against Women Janaya Walker smiles at the camera. She has curly, medium length brown hair with some lighter blonde pieces that frame her face. — Janaya Walker, from Ending Violence Against Women, says policing and the criminal justice system are in need of an overhaul

Some progress has been made, such as Operation Soteria, which introduced a national model for rape investigations focusing on suspects' actions rather than victims' credibility.

However, Walker noted that change in policing "has proven difficult" and that these issues appear "seemingly embedded in its culture."

Government and Police Responses

In 2023, Jess Asato, Labour MP for Lowestoft in Suffolk, was appointed Violence Against Women and Girls adviser to reform NHS responses as part of the government’s goal to halve such violence within ten years.

Though her role primarily addresses victim support through healthcare, she emphasized its close connection to the criminal justice system.

She advocates for well-funded specialist support services collaborating with police and agencies to combat violence.

"Too often we turn a blind eye to so-called low-level crimes," she said. "If we were to reframe that and see this as the start of a pattern of potentially escalating behaviour, then we might be able to actually get to the perpetrator and stop the crimes from happening in the first place."

Jess Asato during an interview. She looks to the right of the camera. She has shoulder length blonde hair, glasses and is wearing a red blazer. — Jess Asato has been appointed a Violence Against Women and Girls adviser

Detective Chief Superintendent Jane Topping of Suffolk Police acknowledged the distress caused when victims and families feel unheard.

"We are genuinely sorry for the impact this can have, and we are committed to ensuring that every woman, every survivor and every family who comes to us feels listened to, respected and supported from their very first contact with us," she said.

"We know that trust is built through actions, not words. In recent years we have strengthened the way we engage with victims, with a renewed emphasis on trauma-informed communication, empathy and clear, consistent updates throughout an investigation. Our officers and staff receive ongoing training to help them better understand victims' experiences, to identify vulnerability earlier, and to respond with the compassion and professionalism people rightly expect."

"We remain fully committed to listening, learning and improving so that every victim and survivor who comes to us feels safe, believed and treated with the dignity and care they deserve."

Det Ch Supt Jane Topping during an interview. She is standing outside Suffolk Police headquarters. She has short brown hair and wears a white shirt with a black tie and black lapels on the shoulders. — Det Ch Supt Jane Topping says Suffolk Police is working closely with victims' representatives, specialist organisations and independent scrutiny groups on the issue

A Home Office spokesperson stated: "We expect all forces to carry out thorough investigations and to support victims at every stage. Where standards fall short, it is right to review their actions and take steps to improve. Tackling violence against women and girls is a priority and it is vital that forces prioritise victims and continually learning from cases like this."

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